It’s a conspiracy

JFK, UFOs, WTC…this country is built on conspiracy theories. But I have one that is bigger than them all.

Ken Griffey, Jr., will not be starting in the 2008 MLB All-Star Game. Not only will he not be starting, he won’t even be on the bench. The starting outfield for the National League is comprised of last year’s Rookie of the Year Ryan Braun, this year’s Japanese import Kosuke Fukudome, and Chicago sorehead Alfonso Soriano. Now I’m not going to deride the fans for picking the Cubbies in the outfield, because I love the Cubs. I’m thrilled that there will be seven representives from Wrigley at the midsummer classic. And, as a matter of fact, I’m not going to complain about the fans’ selection of Braun. Because I DO NOT BELIEVE THE FANS SELECTED BRAUN.

That’s right! You heard me! (Or rather, you read me). I do not believe Braun is a legitimate selection for the All-Star Game.

Hear me out. (Or rather, read me out).

Bud Selig (just like every commissioner before him) has always had it out for the Reds. He loathes the Queen City’s baseball team. I believe it comes from a traumatic childhood experience involving clowns, but I have no proof of that. But you can look at the facts: he won’t remove Pete Rose’s name from the permanently ineligible list, thus effectively barring him from consideration for the Hall of Fame. The last Cincinnati player to win an MVP award was Barry Larkin, and that was way back in 1995 when no one cared about baseball. No Red has even been awarded the Cy Young trophy. And every time a Reds player wins the Rookie of the Year award, he mysteriously disappears into the realm of “Whatever happened to?” guys.

And now, Ken Griffey, Jr., will not be at the 2008 All-Star Game. Instead, some young Brewer wannabe will be taking his place. Supposedly Braun received more than 3.8 million votes, trailing only Chase Utley (who I believe is a cyborg) for the most in the NL. Folks, it’s not possible. The fans didn’t put him there. The fans put Griffey there. But because of Bud Selig’s hatred of Cincinnati, he put one of his boys in there instead.

So here is what I propose: write some mean and nasty letters to the commissioner’s office. Let him know what you think of his shenanigans. Tell him where to stick Braun next year.