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Goodbye, Jared Lorenzen

(February 14, 1981 – July 3, 2019)


Former University of Kentucky and New York Giants quarterback Jared Lorenzen passed away today from an acute infection complicated by heart and kidney problems. He was 38. He was also a graduate of Highlands High School in Fort Thomas, Kentucky, a few years after me. The card above was created by TWJ contributor Patrick several years ago.

He broke his leg, now he is breaking our hearts

1985 Topps Lorenzen

Jared Lorenzen, injured quarterback for the Northern Kentucky River Monsters, has announced that he is finished playing indoor football. The “Hefty Lefty” said the decision was due in part to his broken leg, but added, “I’m tired of being burned by ownership.” Fort Thomas Matters has the full story.

Lorenzen goes down

Fort Thomas Matters broke the news that Jared Lorenzen broke his leg a few days ago, and even has video of the fateful play. This could be a devastating blow to the Northern Kentucky River Monsters, at least publicity-wise, as Lorenzen was the biggest name on the team.

TWJ contributor Patrick quickly sent over a couple of “fun cards” of this season lowlight, using the 1978 and 1979 Fleer football templates for inspiration.

1978 Fleer football Lorenzen fun card

1979 Fleer football Lorenzen fun card

I decided to get in on the action too, pulling from the 1985 Topps football set, one of my favorite card designs of all time regardless of sport.

1985 Topps football Lorenzen fun card

Another former Highlands High School quarterback, Kyle James, took over for Lorenzen. I still hope to catch a NKRM game this season, but it won’t be the same without the Hefty Lefty on the field.

Fun Cards Submission: 1959 Topps Jared Lorenzen

Lorenzen River Monsters

TWJ contributor Patrick is back with a brand new “fun card,” featuring the Pillsbury Throwboy Jared Lorenzen of the Northern Kentucky River Monsters. If you’re not familiar with the River Monsters, click here.

Thanks for the submission Patrick!

I want to see the River Monsters in action

Northern Kentucky River MonstersNorthern Kentucky has its very own Continental Indoor Football League team: the Northern Kentucky River Monsters. There are actually three teams in Kentucky; besides the River Monsters we have the Bluegrass Warhorses (Lexington) and the Kentucky Xtreme (Louisville). The remaining seven teams are located in Ohio, Illinois, and Michigan.

The quarterback for the River Monsters is Jared Lorenzen, who attended Highlands High School in Fort Thomas, Kentucky (my alma mater), and appeared in four games for the New York Giants in 2006 and 2007. His nicknames are “The Pillsbury Throwboy” and “The Hefty Lefty,” and the video at this link shows why.

The River Monsters were a part of the Ultimate Indoor Football League in 2011, but was out of the league after one season. The team joined the CIFL in 2014 and played their first game on Monday night in Lexington, winning 36-20.

The team will play five games at the Bank of Kentucky Center in Highland Heights, which is less than fifteen minutes from my house. Hopefully I’ll be able to catch a game or two this year.

A football team that I might love.

Every year, I go into the NFL season thinking, “I’m going to enjoy it.” And every year, by the middle of the season, I remember that I can’t stand the NFL. This year I couldn’t even make it to the first pre-season game without thinking, “This is just stupid.” There is no reasonable or logical explanation…I just can’t get into the product that is put on the field by either the NFL or the NCAA.

Maybe I’m too much of a rooter for the underdogs. I miss the XFL. I miss the Cincinnati Rockers of the AFL. Those games were exciting and fun to watch…but the NFL is not.

But finally, coming back to the Cincinnati area, a team that I might actually love…the Northern Kentucky River Monsters. Yeah, that’s right, nine whole syllables (ten if you count the “the”)! And check out that monstrosity of a mascot! I LOVE IT!

Of course, even with a cool mascot, a team could go wrong quickly. But one look at the helmet dispels any fears I previously had…

Is that not the most awesomest football helmet you have ever seen in your entire life???

The first home game is March 18, and I will probably be out of town that weekend. But if those plans should change and I am free that night…I WILL BE THERE! The next game is Monday, March 28, and if nothing else comes up…I WILL BE THERE! I still have to compare the rest of the schedule to my work schedule, but I will not miss out on seeing these guys bash heads at the Bank of Kentucky Center in Highland Heights, Kentucky…especially at only $7 (for the cheap seats).

The Northern Kentucky River Monsters (it just flows off the tongue, doesn’t it?) are one of six teams in the brand new Ultimate Indoor Football League. I wish them the best of luck and will do what I can (within my budget) to support the team and the league! Where do I buy a t-shirt?

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