I think the FBI did a bang-up job on my portrait (ain’t I pretty?), although I really don’t think they want to find me that bad. You see, I’ve been living right under their noses for the past 36 years.
Yes, I stole the money. And yes, I hijacked the plane. Told them I wanted to go to Mexico. Fools! Why would anyone want to go to Mexico? The United States is the greatest place on earth, especially if you are a criminal! I live in Hollywood Park, Maryland, just up the road from the feds.
Why did they quit looking for me? I can’t tell you the number of times I’ve been in D.C., eating lunch at the same restaurants as the agents, listening to their conversations. None of them were talking about me. I mailed letters (anonymously, of course). But they never took those letters seriously. They never got serious about trying to find me.
These frauds–McCoy, Weber, Christiansen–were taken seriously by the feds. But not the real D. B. Cooper. No sir. He’s just a nut trying to get some attention. Just a nut who says he can travel through time, can turn invisible, and even fly without wings! Well, you’ll see who the nut is in six years, when all of my claims will be verified! Sure, I’ll be dead, but the truth will come out!
(For those who are seriously interested in the D. B. Cooper case, see the FBI’s page and this Wikipedia article for further.)
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